President Jacob Zuma has apparently come into possession of a magic wand that he's going to wave over the ANC and public servants, phenomenally turning them into honest, hard-working and competent public servants. What a pity he has not thought to point this wand at the SABC and their constant references to the ANC as the "ruling party", changing that title to the "serving party". A much more fitting description in a democracy but not the way the ANC sees itself.

Adding to this air of mystery and amazement of what the President´s wand can do, we have a firearms “surrender” and magic assistant Ministers promoting the magic show. Just to promote this better than smoke-and-mirrors trick, it's labelled a "Firearms Amnesty", a nice catchy name for such a marvellous feat. With conjuring tricks, sleight-of-hand and illusion that will baffle the scientific world, even the most sceptical of all, criminologists, the magic wand will perform a miracle.

The President’s magic and his assistants are going to make crime disappear before our very eyes. Crime will be a thing of the past and good citizens will feel safe and secure in a crime free country when the magic wand is waved, the assistants make the magic happen and remove guns from the hands of solely the innocent. Making the trick even more astonishing, even the guns of those who are paid to guard our homes and business will have their role in the magic show. Citizens will be assured of their safety and will not need firearms for protection; only the police must have guns say the magic show assistants.

This wondrous magic is so powerful, more so than the alchemists transmutation to gold. The magic is going to rehabilitate criminals turning them like the public servants into model citizens by taking guns never used in crime from citizens and security company’s hands.

With powerful magic in the air, our Maestro President - helped by assistants Nathi Mthethwa and Bheki Cele - are expecting criminals now changed by the magic to walk into police stations and hand themselves and their guns over. A trick of such wondrous proportion never ever previously preformed anywhere in the world.

So sure are the Presidential magicians assistants of this magic and success that if citizens don't comply and allow the magic to work they have ordered our valiant police to put these non-compliant citizens in prison instead of violent criminals. No doubt more suitable punishment would have been applied but hanging, flogging and burning at the stake have unfortunately been outlawed.

With soon-to-be-overflowing prisons full of honest citizens who merely wanted to protect themselves, jubilant SAPS will be claiming a great victory for crime fighting. We ever- suffering citizens can expect criminals like the corrupt public servants to be unaffected by the magic. Criminals can now celebrate the gift they are being given of unarmed and defenceless victims and grow rich and fat robbing, raping and killing the poor innocent but the show must go on at any cost.

The SAPS have given up on trying to find and catch criminals of 'no fixed abode'. Instead they go after much more dangerous criminals they're creating by magic out of thin air, who's addresses they do have, yours and mine. The assistants are right, "die poppa gaan dans" but it will be the criminals in celebration doing the dancing, with citizens dodging the criminals bullets. Unfortunately, there is no magic trick to doing that.