Here’s a philosophical puzzler for you. If whiteys hadn’t frothed and foamed at the news that President Zuma had fathered a lovechild would they have been behaving in a racist manner? If Helen Zille hadn’t commented that Zuma had put back the fight against AIDS by fathering his 20th child would she have been subscribing to the offensive stereotype whites apparently have of black men (mentioned in a famous speech by Thabo Mbeki) as incapable of keeping their trousers buttoned up when there are women around. My guess is whiteys felt obliged to register moral indignation because to do anything else would be regarded as patronizingly racist.

Fortunately I no longer have such hang ups. I have absolutely no problem with Zuma’s behaviour because I expected nothing different. I neither condone nor condemn it but, based on his previous track record in the sack, I don’t think any of us can be surprised at the revelation that he has just fathered another child. And at the age of 67 to boot which should make many men doff their hats with respect. In a society in which stressed out executives of 45 are trundling off to the local pharmacy for something to put more lead in their peckers this is something to be admired not sneered at.

And why do you think Jacob Zuma is always smiling? Compared to the miserable wretch he replaced his permanent smile and easy manner are an asset to the country. The fact that his mind might be working overtime planning his next conquest is irrelevant. He is a happy man because he is obviously getting plenty of sex. Judging by their sour expressions, some of his cabinet colleagues would be well advised to follow the President’s example and indulge in a bit of extra marital rumpy pumpy.

Interestingly the foreign newspapers made very little of the story, probably because a story about an African leader having another child is not really news. It’s only in this country that we can afford the luxury of getting worked up about such things and become morally superior. Which is all a bit ridiculous if you think about it because we don’t elect a President (and certainly not this one) on the strength of his blameless private life.

In the US and Europe things are different. Politician’s careers can be ruined if it is found that they have been having an affair with their secretary. The newspaper editors who run the stories are quite entitled to shag some pretty young sub but when you move into politics you are expected to subscribe to a wholly different moral code. So while someone like Ronnie Wood of the Rolling Stones can bed girls barely out of their teens and we all say, “Good old Ronnie, what a dog” a politician of similar age cannot possibly do such a thing without running the risk of having every tabloid newspaper on his doorstep.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if a prospective candidate for parliament was allowed to come clean and admit to a penchant for threesomes with girls dressed in tennis skirts while also promising to be a brilliant housing minister. Be honest…what would you prefer. A sexually repressed average housing minister or a horny goat housing minister who got things done?

Bill Clinton hung onto the US presidency by the skin of his teeth after the Monica Lewinsky affair. He looked us squarely in the face on the TV screen and told us for the last time “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”. Which was perfectly true if you don’t include fellatio in the Oval office as a sexual relationship. Fortunately the US economy was booming under Clinton and most people were happy so Clinton got to hang onto his job.

We’re in much the same situation here in SA. The economy may not be booming but the World Cup is only a few months away and the vast majority of ANC supporters seem pretty excited about that. To kick the President out now would upset the equilibrium so let him stay.

Those who frothed most at “Lovechildgate” are those who have been frothing about Zuma all along, even before Polokwane. Those who didn’t froth at all are those for whom JZ can do no wrong and those who don’t give a damn either way probably never gave a damn before. So little Zuma number 20 isn’t going to change the course of history in South Africa. And I’m prepared to bet it probably won’t be the President’s last child.

Probably the best news of all though is that the mother of JZ’s lovechild is apparently a banking executive. So Zuma screwed a banker and in a world where bankers normally screw everyone else that has to be good news.